(One of the true but short stories in Part I)
Keys To The Kingdom
Stepping out of the door that morning the first thing I noticed was a set of keys lying on the ground. I had no idea that these keys would be used to open the door to divine protection. Before I left work yesterday Tammy Faye said “I’m going to get you tomorrow for taking my job.” Thoughts of being in grade school came rushing back to me. I remembered the dread I use to feel when a classmate would say to you “Three-thirty” (3:30pm) while placing their fist over their eye and then their nose. After which they pointed at you. That only meant one thing; you were about to get beaten up after school. Only I wasn’t in grade school. I was a 34 year old mother of two.
I was hired to permanently replace Tammy Faye the temporary secretary. I didn’t find out that she had a mental problem until after the fact. Tammy Faye was 6’8 and weighed in at 350 lbs. I am not exaggerating. It took everything in me to not call in sick that day, but it was my first week of employment and I had to be there. Once I got to work I took a closer look at the keys and noticed that they were from the University of Chicago.
Although the keys had a tag attached that read “if found drop in any mailbox, postage will be paid.” When I got to the office I telephoned the University and found it odd when they informed me that they would send someone over to pick them up. Thank God there was no sign of Tammy Faye.
Towards the end of the day, I was getting more nervous than ever. The Executive Director called Tammy Faye and I into the board room to officially announce the transition. Tammy Faye was furious; you could see the hatred and murder on her face. I was totally terrified. She slammed her fist on the board room table and demanded with a loud theatrical voice that the Executive Director explain to her “Why? Why are you taking my job?”
The Executive Director did everything to try and soothe her, but to no avail. Tammy Faye wanted revenge. Her performance in the board room gave me more than enough reason to exit stage left, but I remained. It was my pride as well as my poverty, I needed that job. After the heated, non-productive meeting I returned to my desk wondering why no one had dialed 911 yet. The next few hours were agonizing. I sat at the front desk mapping out my escape route to the smallest detail.
My desk was positioned with a wall behind me and a wall to my right, in front of me was the only door. If Tammy Faye came from the board room I would be trapped like the children at the Red Sea. If she came through the front door, I would also be trapped. I decided that my only recourse would be to roll myself in a fetal position and protect my head.
I know some of you are probably thinking I should have remembered to “Fear Not.” I say “bla yadda,” “bla yadda,” “bla yadda.” You weren’t there. Talk to me when a seven foot, 350 pound Amazon, full of hatred has it in for you. All of a sudden I heard stomps. Had I been in Jurassic Park I would have had some warning by seeing the vibration in a puddle of water.
The moment I was dreading all day was upon me. I looked up and saw Tammy Faye coming from the board room.
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(One of the many original poems in Part II)
A HEAVENLY DREAM
I dreamed that I was walking
Through a field of tall grass
Not really sure how long my journey would last
If anyone had been with me
They were now long gone
For when I came out of the field I was all alone
As I pushed back the brush
Complete awe was my state
There before me in its splendor
Was one of heaven’s gates
With my mouth wide open
Eyes extremely wide
I leaned my head back
And lifted my eyes
The majesty of this structure
Was unlike anything in the world
The gate was made of what appeared to be
Its bottom row had12 pearls
Next row 11, 10, 9 and so on;
A pyramid so bright but not blinding
God’s glory shown.
This was the most beautiful site I’d ever seen
It now felt like reality and no longer a dream
As I proceeded to take a step
I was halted by the darkness I felt
Suddenly the wall was obscured
By an ominous dark cloud
My expression quickly turned to a frown
I was scared and confused
Not sure if I should hide
At that moment God spoke;
“This cloud is your pride.”
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